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March 7, 2010

The Pros And Cons Of Dating Your Coworkers

Who do you turn to when you need advice? If a neutral sounding board is what you need, e-mail us! We are here to help you keep a level head and an open heart on life’s bumpy road to happiness.

Dating in high school and college is so easy. You may not think so while you are there, but believe us, having a select pool of candidates makes finding someone to date infinitely easier. Everyone is the same age and of the same mindset.

When college ends, the dating difficulty begins. You are no longer surrounded by hundreds of options. So where do you go to meet someone? Bars are the first choice, but it gets old and obnoxious after a while. Blind dates are not all they are cracked up to be. Which leaves Internet dating, and, well, you know how we feel about that.

So what about the tried-and-true office romance? Is it something to avoid like the plague, or is your future spouse sitting a few cubicles away?

Krystle thinks that work is a great place to meet someone. Granted, she doesn’t have a lot of experience dating in this setting.

She finds nothing wrong with dating someone at work as long as it is appropriate and you aren’t violating any HR rules. After all, it’s only natural to become interested in someone you see every day and have a good working relationship with. In fact, the way you work together may be a good indicator of how you would behave in a relationship.

If you don’t have a lot of opportunity to meet people outside of work, then work is as good a place as any. She would, however, advise you proceed with caution. Workplace romance should never interfere with one’s job. It should never be overly obvious that you are having a relationship with someone. It’s personal and should be kept that way.

Erin has a rule when it comes to office romance: It’s a no-no. After a relationship ended badly with a co-worker, Erin promised herself she would never date someone in her office again.

While in the relationship, you constantly have it on your mind that you don’t want anyone to find out. It becomes very difficult to focus on spreadsheets and e-mail when you are thinking about the other person or see them passing your cubicle. Forget about sitting in a conference room with windows. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face when your significant other keeps walking past with a smirk on their face?

If you continue dating after one or both of you move on to new jobs, it will be fine for you in the long run. But what happens when you break up while you are both working for the same company? You could end up like Erin, when she burst into tears every time her ex-boyfriend walked past or someone mentioned his name. It doesn’t look great to your boss when you suddenly cannot work on a project with that person.

Whether you believe it’s a good idea or a nightmare waiting to happen, we suggest that you proceed with caution. Do not carpool to work or constantly have lunch dates as you will only draw more attention to yourselves.

Keep your personal relationship separate from your work relationship as you would with someone you didn’t work with. Our feeling is that you will end up with whoever you should end up with in the long run, whether they are a co-worker or not!

March 3, 2010

Looking For Love? Keep An Open Mind

After her divorce five years ago, Lisa Hook re-entered the dating world, unsure of what she’d find.

As a single working mother, Hook said she didn’t have time for bars or singles clubs. So she concentrated her efforts on reputable online singles sites.

“I’m not going to say it wasn’t scary at first,” said Hook, 45, a Rochester mother of two who works in publishing. “Everything was so different. It’s challenging with all the new media.”

Christie Laabs, 26, of Sterling Heights said her age group has a different problem.

“When we go out, people don’t talk to each other at bars,” says Laabs, who does freelance production work for Comcast’s Dating on Demand video dating service. “It’s not like on TV, where someone comes up and starts talking to you. People tend to just hang out in their own groups.”

Hook said all this leaves her wishing for an easy solution.

“It would be wonderful to just lock eyes and meet someone at Dairy Queen,” she said. “But I know that’s not going to happen.”

She’s right, said Shirley Bavonese, a licensed marriage and family therapist, who with her husband, Joe, cofounded and directs Relationship Institute in Royal Oak and Livonia. In an age of e-mail and texts, many singles expect instant results, but that won’t happen.

“You have to put some work into it,” said Bavonese, adding people often put more time into choosing a car than a date.

“The bottom line is if your goal is a lifetime partner, it’s going to take a while to find that person. Quick date, take a class, join a social club, but … put yourself out there.”

With the advent of online dating, there are more choices than ever, said Bavonese, who met her husband of 15 years through singles ads. Yet, Hook said online dating can be a “double-edged sword” for busy people.

“It increases the dating pool a thousandfold,” Hook said. “On the other hand, the competition is also increased. Or you might click online, and then meet and the chemistry’s not there.”

Bavonese suggests if you meet someone interesting, get offline quickly so you can get to know the person.

“As soon as you can, shift to a phone call, then to a meeting in a public place,” said Bavonese, a master social worker who also runs singles workshops.

Another big mistake is being overly picky, Bavonese said. She suggests making a list of what you’re looking for in a partner, with the top three qualities being lifelong ones that are absolute.

“Tall, dark and handsome will change,” she said. “What doesn’t change is kind, compassionate and willing to negotiate.”

Bavonese said before you begin lamenting the lack of decent men or women, examine if you have what it takes for a long-term relationship.

“You only draw people to you as healthy emotionally as you are,” she says. “You need to be a full person and happy with who you are if you’re going to look for a partner to complement you.”

That means it’s not only OK to be single, but imperative to take time between relationships.

February 8, 2010

The Pros And Cons Of Dating Your Coworkers

Who do you turn to when you need advice? If a neutral sounding board is what you need, e-mail us! We are here to help you keep a level head and an open heart on life’s bumpy road to happiness.

Dating in high school and college is so easy. You may not think so while you are there, but believe us, having a select pool of candidates makes finding someone to date infinitely easier. Everyone is the same age and of the same mindset.

When college ends, the dating difficulty begins. You are no longer surrounded by hundreds of options. So where do you go to meet someone? Bars are the first choice, but it gets old and obnoxious after a while. Blind dates are not all they are cracked up to be. Which leaves Internet dating, and, well, you know how we feel about that.

So what about the tried-and-true office romance? Is it something to avoid like the plague, or is your future spouse sitting a few cubicles away?

Krystle thinks that work is a great place to meet someone. Granted, she doesn’t have a lot of experience dating in this setting.

She finds nothing wrong with dating someone at work as long as it is appropriate and you aren’t violating any HR rules. After all, it’s only natural to become interested in someone you see every day and have a good working relationship with. In fact, the way you work together may be a good indicator of how you would behave in a relationship.

If you don’t have a lot of opportunity to meet people outside of work, then work is as good a place as any. She would, however, advise you proceed with caution. Workplace romance should never interfere with one’s job. It should never be overly obvious that you are having a relationship with someone. It’s personal and should be kept that way.

Erin has a rule when it comes to office romance: It’s a no-no. After a relationship ended badly with a co-worker, Erin promised herself she would never date someone in her office again.

While in the relationship, you constantly have it on your mind that you don’t want anyone to find out. It becomes very difficult to focus on spreadsheets and e-mail when you are thinking about the other person or see them passing your cubicle. Forget about sitting in a conference room with windows. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face when your significant other keeps walking past with a smirk on their face?

If you continue dating after one or both of you move on to new jobs, it will be fine for you in the long run. But what happens when you break up while you are both working for the same company? You could end up like Erin, when she burst into tears every time her ex-boyfriend walked past or someone mentioned his name. It doesn’t look great to your boss when you suddenly cannot work on a project with that person.

Whether you believe it’s a good idea or a nightmare waiting to happen, we suggest that you proceed with caution. Do not carpool to work or constantly have lunch dates as you will only draw more attention to yourselves.

Keep your personal relationship separate from your work relationship as you would with someone you didn’t work with. Our feeling is that you will end up with whoever you should end up with in the long run, whether they are a co-worker or not!

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