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February 19, 2012

The Biggest Dating Mistakes

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 7:35 pm

By Barton Goldsmith

For those entering or re-entering the dating world, it can seem like a minefield. The dos and don’ts have shifted some over the years, but avoiding the following is always a good idea:

— Talking about your ex, your conquests or yourself too much. This would be considered TMI; no one really likes to be compared to someone in your past, and the best way to get to know someone is to ask questions. Most people find it flattering that you want to know more about them. Go easy and don’t make it seem like an interrogation or a therapy session.

— Getting drunk. Whether you throw up or not. Getting smashed early on could easily ruin your chances. However, if both you and your date like the idea, perhaps you should consider a 12-step meeting over a movie.

— Having sex too soon. These days it can kill you, but most likely it will kill the other person’s desire. Rule of thumb is that you spend at least 36 hours talking and getting to know each other before jumping into bed. And yes, you do need to ask those sexual-history questions. It’s awkward, but necessary.

— Talking on your phone or texting. Taking calls or doing more than glancing at your phone to see who called or sent a message is just plain rude. Besides, the person you are with is going to think that you aren’t that interested in him or her if you spend the entire evening gazing lovingly into the retinal display of your iPhone.

— Forgetting your wallet. Even if your date has invited you and offered to pay, you should at least be prepared to offer to split the bill or leave the tip. There is also the possibility that you will need some cash to catch a cab in case your date is a dud.

— Not taking a shower or bath. OK, I know this seems obvious to many people, but if you think you are at your best right after a run or a tennis game, think again. Though you might feel great internally, the person you are meeting may not appreciate it the same way. Get yourself neat and clean before you try to impress a potential new love.

— Coming on too strong. So you think you really like the person you are seeing. You want to reach out and touch or hold him or her; you want to take this person away with you. Best advice here is to hold back until you know that the feelings are mutual. For many, being too forward or flirty is a red flag.

The idea here is to make as few mistakes as possible, and don’t beat yourself up if you step in it a time or two. When that happens, remind yourself that you’re getting out there and looking. That is a brave and wonderful thing to do, and your life will be sweeter for it.

(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author, most recently, of “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence — Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too.” Email him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.)

December 26, 2011

Dating Advice From the Old and New Schools

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:32 am

“I am sick of dating.”

“There’s no one out there for me.”

“Women are too much work.”

“Guys don’t understand what I need.”

“I’ve decided to just marry my cat.”

These are statements that we — Lauren and William — keep hearing on a frequent basis from people of all ages. You’d think these comments came from a seventy year old man or woman who has gone through a handful of divorces, but they’re not.

Lauren: I was chilling with my homegirl, Cindy, a few nights ago at a bar. She’s cute, sweet, and a lot of fun. Any guy would be fortunate to have her, but she hasn’t had any luck in terms of dating. So, she started talking about how she’ll never find anyone and that she is throwing in the towel since the last few dates she went on were a bust.

Cindy is only 24 years old.

William: There’s this guy I play golf with named Paul. All he talks about is how he needs a good lady by his side, but that they are no where to be found. He’s handsome, funny, and rich. Whenever I tell him about cool spots to check out or events to attend, he turns them down, usually saying “Naw man, I gotta work.”

Paul doesn’t have to work all of the time.

What we’re trying to say is that everyone is in control of their results in terms of dating. If you’re like Cindy who is about to give up, then you better believe love isn’t coming your way. And Paul, he is hiding out in his office. How the heck can a lovely lady find him if he’s at work all of the time?

Our main goal is to see that you don’t marry your cat, which is what Cindy and Paul are about to do if they continue on their current path.

Allow us to break it down. We are each going to give you our own top 5 list of ways to prevent you from marrying your cat.

Lauren’s list — from the new school

1) Hang out at places based on your interest. If you’re a gamer, start going to video game competitions. Sometimes they’re held at hip places, like a bowling alley or club.

2) Start texting less and talking in person more. Look, I love texting but what I see on a daily basis — young people texting with others sitting next to ’em — is crazy. Make an effort to put the phone down next time and focus on the person who is with you.

3) Gym. You will always find someone attractive at the gym if you start going on a regular basis. Make sure you look on point (refer to our other blog postings).

4) Use Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites to flirt and start meeting potential dating candidates. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as you don’t overdo it. I have made many connections this way. Note: Make sure you can back up what you say when you’re face-to-face.

5) Have friends that keep you positive. When Cindy was down I encouraged her to stay on the hunt and not give up. As younger people we need this, especially dealing with a tough economy and trying to pay bills. Sometimes that one friend keeps us from killing the cat.

William’s list — from the old school

1) Start hanging around younger people. Not people 30 years your junior but maybe 5-15 years. They will give you more energy and keep you feeling younger.

2) Learn how to text. If you don’t text, get on it. If you type 1 word per minute then hire a text tutor. Texting is great for flirting and spontaneity.

3) Be active. Everyone knows that as you get older, it gets harder to stay in shape. Start walking every day or hitting up the gym three times a week. Do what you can to not let it go. Plus, you’ll always meet new people.

4) Make time. If you’re like Paul and work a lot, make an effort to improve. For example, meet a friend for lunch during your break. This gets you used to hanging out with others and talking over a meal, just as you would a date.

5) Join a dating website. I used to not believe in joining websites like Match.com or eHarmony but they’re great for single adults looking for love like my daughter, Lauren. Give them a chance.

We hope our tips helped. If you still find yourself on the brink of complete doom, or wanting to marry your cat, consider sending us an email.

September 12, 2011

Sharing Our Love Of Apple Is A Nice Starting Point

Filed under: apple, apps, cupidtino, date, free, ipad, love, people, talking — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 11:34 pm

It’s the first-date icebreaker, Apple-style: “Show me your iPhone apps and I’ll show you mine.”

Like thousands of fellow Apple fanboys desperately seeking fangirls, 27-year-old product manager Ayush Agarwal jumped on the Cupidtino dating site and began looking for love. Mac-centric messages started flying. A meet-up was arranged at, of course, an Apple Store. And just like the external mouse they were unveiling that day, things started to click.

“The first thing we talked about was apps,” said Agarwal. “I was apartment hunting so I showed her PadMapper. Then we talked about ’Angry Birds’ for a bit. Meeting through Cupidtino told me she wasn’t just a Mac user — she was a passionate Mac user. So I didn’t feel awkward talking to her about my Mac for an hour, whereas other people might think I’m talking too much about my Mac.”

Agarwal, who’s still friends with the woman, has a lot of company. With 28,000 active members, Cupidtino has become a gathering place for the Apple-intoxicated to share their Mac passions, swap iPad stories, bad-mouth PC users, and maybe, just maybe, find life’s ultimate app.

It all started last spring, when founder Mel Sampat got into an argument with his girlfriend over, yup, his new iPad.

“I was super excited and I kept pushing it towards her over the dinner table,” said the 31-year-old San Francisco app developer. “She just didn’t get it. She’s such a PC. She punches numbers for PG&E and meets with regulators. I’m this geek startup guy developing iPhone apps at home in my pj’s. We’re the typical PC-Apple couple.”

To Sampat, the iPad was the portal to a whole new age of computing. To his girlfriend, it was a toy.

“I said, half-jokingly, ’I can’t be with you. Next time I date someone, I’ll be sure to ask if she’s a Mac or a PC.’ ”

The next morning in the shower, said Sampat, a light bulb went off. “I realized if I were single and went on a date today, the first thing I’d ask is, ’What apps are on your phone?’ ’Angry Bird’? They have a lot of free time. Amex? They’re making sure their finances are in order. I rolled up my sleeves and started the site.”

A day after he launched the site in June, more than 6,000 users had signed up. After a blogger picked it up, traffic started climbing. After all, it was free to join, free to set up a profile, free to reach out to other users and only $4.79 a month to receive messages back.

“We pegged it,” said Sampat, “to the price of a venti mocha at Starbucks in Cupertino,” a reference to Apple’s hometown, which inspired the name. The site sports a clean Apple-like design, requires users to sign up through the Apple-created browser Safari, and gives devotees a forum to, well, bash PC users.

“We needed a dating site like Cupidtino because I honestly think Apple people are a different kind of people,” says Apple person Ronni Estrada, a 23-year-old pharmacy assistant with Kaiser in Southern California. “PC people are kind of naive … but Apple people just kind of get it.”

For now, Cupidtino remains largely a labor of love for Sampan and his co-founder, a Seattle programmer who remains anonymous to protect his job at a major e-commerce company. They say they’re talking with several angel investors, but for now the site pays the men a modest salary, though not enough to live on.

Visitors are greeted on the home page with “Meet an Apple fanboy or girl,” then encouraged to post their photo and answer several profile questions, including “I became a Mac when …” — to which user CuteT40 replied “I was BORN a ’mac’ ”… but started ’using’ in 1990.”

From there you’re on your own.

“Sharing our love of Apple is a nice starting point,” said Lindsey Arasmith, a 25-year-old college student from Sunnyvale who was weaned on Apple products by her programmer dad. “It’s not like we’re just about Apple. But it’s comforting to have that base to fall back on, so that it’s not a completely blind date.”

February 13, 2010

The Flirting Signs

If you think that women don’t flirt, you are wrong. Some women do it for pleasure. Others do it from love, and some women do it, because they have a goal. Of course, we could say the same about men, too. There are people, who don’t stop flirting and to such an extent, that this turns out to be a way of living for them.

Of course the other people who are searching for the flirt must be always aware of this, since a great part of them could become their partners. But in order for this to happen, one should first learn how to know the signs the opposite gender is giving. Sometimes they are false, but in most cases they are a guaranty at least for a declared sympathy towards you, and why not for something more serious.

She is continuously smiling at you

If you notice that a girl lights up and starts smiling everytime she sees you. This means that she is definitely keen on you. Provided that she often grants you with wide, long and jolly smiles. This means that she definitely looks for a flirt with you. And in this case you should respond with the same. Return her smile, if she is of interest for you. She wants that you give her a sign.

The lips movement

Look after her lips movements. Many of the women flirt deliberately or not most often with her lips. If she knows, that you are looking at her and she starts allegedly instinctively: to play with a straw, to put her finger on them, to lick them, to imitate a kiss, to make them stiff, to put slowly and passionately lipstick or gloss. You could be sure, that she is flirting with you. What you should do is just to take the game, as you immediately answer her with a smile or a provocative look.

She copies your behavior

The younger girls often start using a man’s movements and grimaces, when they are keen on him. Sometimes they even try to imitate him. If she imitates your actions, your body movements, your gestures and mimics, which you use. This means that she definitely sympathizes you and she thinks, that this could be a way to get closer to you. You should try to behave just as if you are seeing nothing unusual. Continue your conversation in a slightly funny way and be natural.

She seeks you continuously with a look

If you sense when you both are in a room, that she continuously seeks for your look, as if she could not stop watching you. She looks fixedly at you and she seeks a contact. She winks at you while you talk and she looks at you in a provoking manner. She plays with her eyebrows by turning them upside. You could be sure that she is not only interested in you, but she is really head over ears for you. If you like her and if you want to continue your relations into this direction, don’t avoid her look. Answer her the same way.

She seems instinctively to put her breast forwards

Many women use this tricky weapon in order to attract men’s attention. They know very well, that this is one of their most powerful weapons and they don’t even hesitate to use it, since in 99% of the cases this guarantees their success. If while you are looking at her she starts instinctively putting her breast forwards or she bends in a way to make it visible to you. This means that she definitely has started using the heavy artillery and she wants a flirt with you. You should not start looking at her breasts, even though most of the men do it without even think about it. You still want to be different than the others and to surprise her with your behavior. This shall make her even more intrigued by you and could make her even more bolder in her communication with you.

She makes her body naked instinctively

Some girls use the slight nakedness of the body in order to attract men’s attention. This happens most commonly when they want to act fast and aggressively. She could lean towards you as if she is doing this very instinctively, and by doing this she could open her neckline. She could let one of the shoulder straps of her dress to fall down even without noticing this. She could toss aside her hair in a manner so that she could open her neck and her neckline for your look. She could cross her legs in front of them or slightly open them in order to make you look at her. In general, the variants are so many and all of them are enough spicy and challenging. You should not start to look to the naked part of her body, even if this could be a hard task. Smile at her slightly and show her with a look of your eyes, that you understand her sign.

She looks for a chance to touch you

Some women and young girls shorten the distance between you by trying to be closer than usual to you. Besides they use every single opportunity to touch you and to feel your skin and body. Such a touch could be touching your hand, hugging you when greeting you, tipping you on the shoulder etc. She touches herself, her hair, her clothes and the jewels she wears. Every one of these events is a sign that she definitely is looking for a closer contact with you and this is not by chance. Don’t draw back, show her that this is pleasant for you and this could be a way for you both to become something more than close friends.

Continuously searching for your attention

Always when you are at one and the same place she tries to attract your attention in any way. For example when you are together in a company, she pretends to be speaking to all, but she looks only at you. This is a sign that she sympathizes you or she even adores you for something you have achieved or you are able to do. This is a sign that all her attention is focused upon you. Don’t be afraid of the situation and smile, afterwards you could answer her, but in no case you should leave her words hang out in the air. Because she would feel very unpleasant if you don’t pay the necessary attention to her.

Always when you meet she starts first talking to you

She comes straight to you just when she sees you. She stops all other conversation started and immediately starts contacting you and talking to you. She always sits around you and tries to become a part of the discussions you are participating in. You should show her that her attention is very pleasant for you and you should continue talking to her.

She plays with the words used in the conversation

Many women try to attract the man in front of them by using ambiguous statements. They often do it also when they want to make the serious situation more funnier and they try also to insert a sexual joke. Usually this happens in the course of your conversation, she inserts a sexual context and turns the conversation in such a direction. You could be sure that she doesn’t make it by chance, she obviously has something in mind. Especially if she combines this with a more challenging behavior or seductive looks. You could be sure, that she wants you. Play her game following her rules and do not put spurs to the events. Be unclear, playful and original without going to a more “hard” wave. This is the way to keep her attention and you both could please yourself. Of course you should be ready for a faster development of things, too.

These are the ten most common love signs showing that a young girl or a women seeks contact with you and that this contact definitely should not be just a friendship. Look always for such signs and answer them. Even if there is nothing more than just a flirt. This could bring you pleasure and satisfaction, both to you and to the girl with whom you are playing. Besides you never know when you’ll get to the right person. Consider that the life is full of pleasant surprises and they are hiding everywhere.?

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