When you first start dating a girl, you want to know what you’re getting yourself into. Is she a vapid partier? A power-hungry social climber? Or possibly–gasp!–a hipster?
With that in mind, we’ve compiled this list of traits–or warning signs–that fall under the umbrella of the female hipster. And if you find your girl fits the bill, but it never even registered that she may be a hipster, well, friend, you yourself are probably the biggest hipster of all. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
1. Her hair has more angles than the most cunning “Survivor” contestants
Whether it’s cropped or shaggy, curly or straight, if her hair has a couple dramatic shifts in length and/or color, she’s probably a hipster.
2. She wears onesies to the bar and flowy dresses to bed
Rompers are the calling cards of summer indie chicks–they can look great, but also make for complicated bathroom breaks and hookup sessions (or so we hear). Perhaps that’s why, at home in their natural habitat, these girls prefer the freedom of a light, breezy nightgown. Although, they’re starting to wear those in public too. This is starting to get confusing.
3. She can explain a complicated news issue with an old-school kids’ TV show allegory
Debt crisis? It’s like in “Full House” when Stephanie backed her dad’s new car right into the kitchen and she was trying to stall him from seeing the wreckage. And remember when Zack and Slater fought over the new girl on “Saved By The Bell”? Israel/Palestine. To her credit, with a couple PBR’s in you, this all sort of makes sense.
4. You’ve never heard of her favorite band
The hipster girl’s musical universe is vexing. Dance music by Robyn? Acceptable. Dance music by Fergie? Garbage. Heartfelt crooning by The Avett Brothers? Choice. But the sensitive stylings of John Mayer? Blech. She’ll make one thing clear, though: Katy Perry really knows how to churn out some great earworms.
5. No matter the heat index, she wears a scarf
Somehow these delicate creatures manage to wear bulky scarves while eating piping hot soup in the middle of July, with nary a drop of sweat nor soup anywhere to be found. Impressed? Well, kind of.
6. Zooey Deschanel isn’t an actress, she’s a state of mind
In other words, your girl has watched “(500) Days Of Summer” on mute with She & Him’s latest album playing in the background.
7. The lenses of her glasses can double as cruise ship portholes
The trend for specs on trendy girls is mirroring the SUV bubble of the late ’90s, i.e., bigger is better. We’re only a year or two away from these becoming the Hummer of glasses, and then the inevitable backlash.
8. Milk: the other skin tone
Despite her almost constant need to be outside drenched in sun–whether at brunch, or in the park, or for concerts…gah, we GET IT, it’s nice out–she manages to maintain the pale tones of a plain bagel. Untoasted, of course.
9. She has a “My Little Pony” tattoo
Or possibly “Care Bears.” To balance out the blandness of trait #8.
10. She is very good at a very specific craft
Etching. Knitting. Rolling her own cigs. Making her own tampons. That sorta thing.
11. She doesn’t speak French, but you’d never know that looking at her Netflix queue
And by “Netflix queue” we mean “laserdisc shelf.” Because there’s something more poignant about having to get up and flip the disc over mid-film.
