By Marni Kinrys
The ultimate ’wing girl,’ Marni is a self-taught advice and relationship expert to men worldwide. Kinrys is the mind behind The Wing Girl Method and “The Playbook of What Women Want.”
(CNN) — You have to think about picking up girls the exact same way you think about picking up a box. You just do it. Seriously. After working with thousands of men all around the world, I have found that the common issue holding men back with women is that “thing” on top of their shoulders. It thinks, analyzes and makes excuses, so rejection is self-inflicted before women even get a chance to do it.
Here are six secrets men need to know about women to help them stop that “thing” in their head from destroying their dating life:
Women have baggage, too, especially the attractive ones. You think insecurity and low confidence are only for those who are fat, bald and ugly? Not so, my friend. Just because a woman is hot does not mean that her life is perfect. Remember, beauty does not equal perfection. It’s simply one thing about a woman that she literally wears on her sleeve.
Women prefer personality to looks. As a woman, I know this to be very true. But I also know it’s a tough one for men to swallow. Obviously, in the first five seconds, she judges a man based on his looks. But after that, something interesting happens: A man’s face shifts according to how he makes a woman feel. A hot man can become hideous, and an average-looking man can become the sexiest guy in the room. What women are really attracted to has nothing to do with appearance. It has to do with the character a man projects. A man who is calm, cool, collected, comfortable and confident will trump an Abercrombie model every time.
Women DO NOT like bad boys. Not sure who started this rumor, but they must be shot immediately. Women do not sit around with their girlfriends and say “Oh, Marni, I can’t wait to meet a lazy, unreliable jerk who treats me poorly and feeds on my insecurities.” Women like nice guys, not wimps, pushovers or pleasers; nice guys with a backbone and strong sense of self.
There’s no “right” line, but there’s a right way to say it. If I had four men approach me using the same, tried-and-tested pickup line, do you think I would be attracted to all four of them? Maybe, but highly unlikely. I can tell you that if the right man with the right character came up to me and said “banana, banana, banana,” I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and instantly feel attraction for him.
There is never a bad time to approach a woman. Women want to be approached, as long as it’s by the right person. If you see a girl you like, stop, breathe and think to yourself, “She’s adorable. I want to talk to her and see if I like her.” Notice the “I want” and the spirit of figuring out what you like. Until you get to know this girl, it’s about you, not her.
Women want you to respect them, not admire them. So stop putting women you know nothing about on pedestals. Yes, they’re hot, yes other men may want them, but that does not mean that all self-respect gets thrown out the door. Respect yourself first, and women will follow.
So use these lessons as the first step to eliminating the anxiety that “thing” produces. The second part is getting out there and practicing. Sitting on your couch watching “Law & Order” is not going to bring you results with women.
