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November 6, 2011

Let’s Get Medical Before We Get Physical

Filed under: dating, friends, guys, love, medical, women — Tags: dating, friends, guys, love, medical, women — admin @ 7:31 pm

“So, what’s your medical history, madame? Anything unusual I should know about?”

Imagine a guy breaking the ice in a potential relationship with those opening lines. Not very classy, true. But in this day and age, it might be understandable. Apart from concern about STDs and other diseases and such, the one posing the question might also want to know whether the person he is hitting on is a genetic female or a transitioned female.

Thing is, most guys wouldn’t dream of posing such a question. And most don’t know much about transitioned people, anyway, and wouldn’t think to ask. But, when it comes to dating, the trans person must raise the subject about her medical history. Yah, it sucks, but the guy needs to know as early as possible. It’s only fair to him.

Experience has shown me that some guys are absolutely not interested in any woman who has transitioned, no matter how beautiful she may be physically, mentally or spiritually. It’s out of the question for them. Others guys are cautious, but willing to at least meet for lunch or something and see how it goes. And then there are those who don’t care at all about this particular aspect of one’s medical history. They might care if you have an STD, but the fact that you transitioned is irrelevant to them. (If either have STDs, that needs to be brought out into the open pretty darn early, too.)

Some friends and I were sharing some wine and talking about all this tonight. And we took it a little farther.

It’s not enough for a transitioned woman on the verge of a new relationship to reveal her medical history. She should probably also ask the guy: How might the people in your various circles react when they learn you are dating a transitioned woman? Are you prepared to deal with negative reactions from family and/or friends?

Yah, again, it sucks big time that anyone should have to pose such questions. Problem is, there is a lot of prejudice against and misunderstanding about transitioned people, and it can be very awkward for the guy if he is suddenly shunned by family members because he loves someone they reject. It happens. He might ultimately find himself having to choose between the woman he loves and family.

Experience has also shown me that some guys will stand by their woman, regardless of what others might say or do. But there are some who weigh all the possibilities and bow out. I can’t criticize them, just as I couldn’t criticize the guys who reject transitioned women outright. To each their own. And it’s better to get the matter dealt with sooner than later. Sure, we transitioned women might hope that by holding back the information for a while , the guy might fall in love with us and overlook the medical history when we finally tell him. But think again: it could provoke a very angry response if it is left too long, ie. “You deceived me!”

I mentioned to my friends tonight that all this seems to make it more difficult, though not impossible, for a transitioned woman to find love.

“Hey, it’s not so easy for genetic women to find love, either,” one of them said. She is a genetic woman. “There are a lot of lonely single women out there. Especially women in their 50s.”

She’s right, of course. And how many single guys in their 50s are looking for anything resembling life partnerships? Not many, I wager. Many of them have been there and done that.

Again, in my experience, I have found that guys generally appreciate it when you break the news to them early. “Thanks for being upfront about it” is a common reaction. “Let’s do lunch and see how it goes.”

Or, sometimes they don’t respond at all.

The funniest(?) response I ever had was a guy on a dating site who thanked me for sharing the information with him, assured me that it was no problem, and then said something to this effect:

“Well, since we’re sharing personal information, here’s something you should know: I’m married.”

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September 17, 2011

Hugh Hefner Finds Monogamy Unnatural

Filed under: husband, life, love, married, people, relationship — Tags: husband, life, love, married, people, relationship — admin @ 3:31 pm

Hugh Hefner doesn’t believe monogamy is “natural”.

The 85-year-old media mogul – who is famed for dating multiple women at the same time – is preparing to marry Crystal Harris later this month and insists he is a good husband who intends to remain faithful, though he feels it could be difficult.

He said: “I’m totally capable of being a good husband. I can be devoted, sensitive. Faithful? Yes. Absolutely.

“I do think that monogamy is possible. I just don’t think it’s the natural way of things.”

The Playboy founder – who has been married twice before – admits there is a “student-teacher” aspect to his relationship with 24-year-old Crystal but can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else.

He said: “I wasn’t planning on getting married again but I can’t imagine meeting anyone I’d get on better with. People make so much of the age gap, but we have a lot in common.

“Yes, there’s a certain student-teacher quality to our relationship, but surrounding myself with younger people helps keep me younger.”

Hugh also believes his reserved upbringing is responsible for his multiple relationships in later life.

He said: “I haven’t had therapy but yes, I do think it’s possible that a lack of love in the home transformed itself into a desire for romantic love later on.

“I was raised in a house where there weren’t a lot of hugs and my brother and I were both very aware of that.”

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September 12, 2011

Sharing Our Love Of Apple Is A Nice Starting Point

Filed under: apple, apps, cupidtino, date, free, ipad, love, people, talking — Tags: apple, apps, cupidtino, date, free, ipad, love, people, talking — admin @ 11:34 pm

It’s the first-date icebreaker, Apple-style: “Show me your iPhone apps and I’ll show you mine.”

Like thousands of fellow Apple fanboys desperately seeking fangirls, 27-year-old product manager Ayush Agarwal jumped on the Cupidtino dating site and began looking for love. Mac-centric messages started flying. A meet-up was arranged at, of course, an Apple Store. And just like the external mouse they were unveiling that day, things started to click.

“The first thing we talked about was apps,” said Agarwal. “I was apartment hunting so I showed her PadMapper. Then we talked about ’Angry Birds’ for a bit. Meeting through Cupidtino told me she wasn’t just a Mac user — she was a passionate Mac user. So I didn’t feel awkward talking to her about my Mac for an hour, whereas other people might think I’m talking too much about my Mac.”

Agarwal, who’s still friends with the woman, has a lot of company. With 28,000 active members, Cupidtino has become a gathering place for the Apple-intoxicated to share their Mac passions, swap iPad stories, bad-mouth PC users, and maybe, just maybe, find life’s ultimate app.

It all started last spring, when founder Mel Sampat got into an argument with his girlfriend over, yup, his new iPad.

“I was super excited and I kept pushing it towards her over the dinner table,” said the 31-year-old San Francisco app developer. “She just didn’t get it. She’s such a PC. She punches numbers for PG&E and meets with regulators. I’m this geek startup guy developing iPhone apps at home in my pj’s. We’re the typical PC-Apple couple.”

To Sampat, the iPad was the portal to a whole new age of computing. To his girlfriend, it was a toy.

“I said, half-jokingly, ’I can’t be with you. Next time I date someone, I’ll be sure to ask if she’s a Mac or a PC.’ ”

The next morning in the shower, said Sampat, a light bulb went off. “I realized if I were single and went on a date today, the first thing I’d ask is, ’What apps are on your phone?’ ’Angry Bird’? They have a lot of free time. Amex? They’re making sure their finances are in order. I rolled up my sleeves and started the site.”

A day after he launched the site in June, more than 6,000 users had signed up. After a blogger picked it up, traffic started climbing. After all, it was free to join, free to set up a profile, free to reach out to other users and only $4.79 a month to receive messages back.

“We pegged it,” said Sampat, “to the price of a venti mocha at Starbucks in Cupertino,” a reference to Apple’s hometown, which inspired the name. The site sports a clean Apple-like design, requires users to sign up through the Apple-created browser Safari, and gives devotees a forum to, well, bash PC users.

“We needed a dating site like Cupidtino because I honestly think Apple people are a different kind of people,” says Apple person Ronni Estrada, a 23-year-old pharmacy assistant with Kaiser in Southern California. “PC people are kind of naive … but Apple people just kind of get it.”

For now, Cupidtino remains largely a labor of love for Sampan and his co-founder, a Seattle programmer who remains anonymous to protect his job at a major e-commerce company. They say they’re talking with several angel investors, but for now the site pays the men a modest salary, though not enough to live on.

Visitors are greeted on the home page with “Meet an Apple fanboy or girl,” then encouraged to post their photo and answer several profile questions, including “I became a Mac when …” — to which user CuteT40 replied “I was BORN a ’mac’ ”… but started ’using’ in 1990.”

From there you’re on your own.

“Sharing our love of Apple is a nice starting point,” said Lindsey Arasmith, a 25-year-old college student from Sunnyvale who was weaned on Apple products by her programmer dad. “It’s not like we’re just about Apple. But it’s comforting to have that base to fall back on, so that it’s not a completely blind date.”

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September 1, 2011

5 Niche Dating Sites

Filed under: dating, friends, internet, life, looking, love, people, real, sites — Tags: dating, friends, internet, life, looking, love, people, real, sites — admin @ 12:33 pm

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places? Try These Sites Instead

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Well, sorry, but chances are your results at any of the following five dating sites will be the same. On the other hand, they might be exactly what you are looking for.

These dating sites are specific destinations for some very specific seekers. General online dating doesn’t do enough to separate the chaff. But the vast use of the Internet also provides the solution: specialization.

Maybe you only like nerdy people, or criminals or … whatever. These days, there are sites out there for everyone. And we do mean everyone. That is, if you have Internet and room for one more in your life.

And if you do happen to fall into any of the camps these sites are built for, then you may just be set for the rest of your dating life.

Up For Dinner And A Rodeo?

Dad Gummit! Since dating is a numbers game, as are dating sites, all the focus is on the urban scene: the trendy restaurants, the night clubs, yada, yada. But what about the 20 percent of Americans who live rurally? Well, that’s where FarmersOnly.com come in.

This site is great because not only is there attention lacking in this arena, but who benefits more from the power of the Internet than those who live far apart?

As they say on this site, “If they didn’t marry their high school sweetheart, it was difficult to meet someone new.” Indeed. So, in response, this site was started to help those who love wide open spaces hook up.

It may be small compared to other sites, but that’s kind of the point. In fact, in that get-to-know-you style of country living, the site even shows the 100 couples married by meeting there.

Looking For Love Behind Bars?

OK, obviously, there’s the immediate reaction to this site: “What the … ?! Who would ever look for love from such a pool of candidates?”

But hold on there, skeptic. Think about WomenBehindBars.com from the women’s standpoint. It offers them the chance to reach out to someone willing to give a shot to the girl-trying-to-make-good. And you never know the kind of people on the outside who will reciprocate the desire. They say it takes all kinds, right?

They also say there’s someone for everyone. If that’s true, then kudos to this site for helping bring them together.

But be careful. Duh. The site disclaims its responsibility and doesn’t verify the validity of the profiles. So while she won’t be bashful about her criminal record, she may not be the 5-foot-8-inch, 120-pound blonde she says she is, either.

Do You Believe Love Is Blind?

Ever been sitting at home with nothing to do? Of course you have — your friends are all busy or whatever. Well, how’s this for an idea? Use the connectivity of the Internet to reach out and hang with someone new.

Just log on, see if anyone else is free, set up a time, and you’re off! Your lonely night just got company.

CrazyBlindDate.com is less about looking for someone to love and more about looking for something to do.

And let’s face it. Blind dates the old fashioned way haven’t historically been that successful. (What do your friends know, anyway, setting you up with that person? Geeesh!) So remove that degree of separation and go completely in the dark with this site. Certainly, if you like meeting new people this could be a ball.

Are You More Interested In A Beautiful Mind?

Like the rural folk, the geeks out there may feel unrepresented in the online dating world. So this idea seems like a no-brainer (haha, very punny). And this is especially so considering the web was created, and is run, by folks from the geekdom.

Gk2gk.com (geek to geek) is one geeky dating portal. And it looks like a few nerdy turtles are coming out of their shells!

The site purports to be the fastest growing dating site on the web. That’s pretty cool, ’cause the world needs the nerds getting together and having super-kids that can create ever-cool technologies.

So, while mainstream dating sites are full of profile shots that try to impress, rather than be real, feel free to be yourselves and join in on the action.

Was Charles Darwin The Ultimate Wingman?

Charles Darwin theorized about the evolution of species. DarwinDating.com demands the most “highly evolved” of the human species — well, as far as looks go anyway.

The members themselves vote on who’s worthy of staying in the pool of pretty faces. So it also provides a great lesson in Darwin’s theory of natural selection. Neato. But naturally, with the superficiality comes brutal honesty. So evolve some thick skin.

In real life, selection of a partner is much more than picking a face, but the site is proud to at least clear up this one factor. The rest of the journey is up to you, Casanova. Oh that’s right, there’s the dating part, as well. It’s not all just the fun of getting to rate the other members.

So get courting. And that goes for the farmers, blind daters, geeks and inmate seekers as well.

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August 15, 2011

Are Men Really From Mars and Women From Venus?

Filed under: fear, love, relationships, success, travel, woman, work — Tags: fear, love, relationships, success, travel, woman, work — admin @ 4:31 am

Do men and women view the world from completely dissimilar perspectives? Do they act as if they’re from separate planets? Are their motivations and agendas poles apart?

Or is the battle of the sexes a misnomer? Don’t women often exhibit masculine qualities and vice versa? Aren’t we all a little bit of yin and a little bit of yang?

In general, women are viewed as emotional and sensitive, primarily concerned with communication and relationships.

Men are known for being cool, inexpressive, physical, and sexual, with a propensity to resolve issues in a business-like manner.

A woman gets her esteem keeping the family together, thriving in love and intimacy. A man’s worth is tied to his financial success, with the role as the bread winner.

Consequently, the man has to be more accountable and tolerate more in the workplace. As primary provider, he can’t afford to leave or be fired from his job.

Traditionally, it doesn’t matter if the woman is the earner or not, but for the man to be a real man, he has to be the bigger earner.

Women are notoriously attracted to success and the guy wants to be appealing, so his value depends on bringing home the bacon.

This transfers to dating, where a man may feel interrogated by a lot of questions, especially regarding economic status. A woman’s innocent interest in a man’s residence, career, or car can brand her a gold digger.

Since men are so work oriented, they consider initial dates as a job interview, which in some sense is quite accurate. Men try to sell themselves, hoping to land the position of ‘mate.’

On the other hand, men’s inquiries into women’s former marriage(s) or children may cause defensiveness for fear he’ll label her a failure, a disappointment, as her identity is linked to flourishing familial relationships.

Women and men have different physiological components, i.e. brain patterns, chemistry. There are 78 genes in the Y chromosome that are different from those in the X chromosome.

Characteristically, men process things logically, in black and white; women sentimentally, in the gray area.

Men are visual; women verbal. When a man sees someone alluring, he responds physically; women react emotionally.

That’s why after making love, men can fall asleep, feeling fulfilled, while women want to continue the connection, through talking, touching, cuddling.

Women fall faster; men harder. Women will speak of being in love after having sex once or twice: men just use those terms after knowing you on a deeper level.

Men tend to be loners. Women are inclined to travel in packs. Women show up at parties in a group; men come alone or with another buddy.

Ever wonder why it’s difficult to get your guy away from his favorite sports program, while Venusians can simultaneously watch TV, talk, cook, and clean? It’s because women are comfortable multi-tasking; men are at ease focusing on a single item.

Women have better memories for details. Consequently, men often forget birthdays and anniversaries.

Men find comfort in solving problems. Women don’t necessarily need solutions to their quandaries. They’re not looking for advice. It suffices for them to be heard and acknowledged.

Rather than trying to fix the dilemma presented, men can work wonders by practicing active listening, and subsequently, gaining amazing admiration and adoration from their partners.

Men and women have different time clocks. If a woman doesn’t hear from you in a day or two, it’s like an eternity. To a man it’s merely minutes.

If the guy waits several days to call, she’s likely to have already built up irritation and resentment, evident by her tone of voice. Conversely, he can’t comprehend her offense, given that he’s only experienced a short period passing.

Take into account that when a man doesn’t call you back right away, it may have nothing to do with you. He may simply be sorting out his thoughts as they do on Mars.

Consider that the reason she’s asking about your livelihood isn’t her desire to find a sugar daddy but an honesty curiosity into what makes you tick and what’s meaningful for you.

Society teaches men it’s not ok to cry, ‘be tough,’ ‘take it like a man’. Anger is permitted but any evidence of a softer side is taboo.

Yet look behind the strong facade and you’ll find someone stinging with the same insecurities, jealousy, hurt, and fear that women possess.

Perhaps if men were encouraged to convey their full range of emotions, there’d be a lot less warring between individuals, as well as nations.

Whether you’re from Mars or Venus, no matter how you travel on your journey, we’re all looking to love and be loved.

Singles slogan for today: I’m beginning to embrace all aspects of my true self, in celebration of how much closer I am to becoming the person I’m intended to be.

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