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November 28, 2011

8 Tips for Cost-Effective Dating from The Millionaire Matchmaker

Filed under: date, dating, matchmaker, millionaire, show, stanger — Tags: date, dating, matchmaker, millionaire, show, stanger — admin @ 3:31 pm

By Ron Dicker

Even though she’s The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger knows how to have a good time on the cheap. Stanger, whose fifth season of Matchmaker premieres on Bravo on Monday before returning to its regular Thursday slot on Sept. 1, offered The Price of Fame some dating tips for love-seekers on a budget. (Keep in mind that whoever asks for the date pays for it.)

1. Reasonably priced yummies go a long way. One millionaire on the show confided that he loved See’s candies, a mid-priced chocolatier with a cult following out west. Stanger, also a fan of See’s, encouraged the rich Romeo to buy a box for his date. A 1-pound box of See’s nuts and chews costs about $15 in the store. A 1-pound box of, say, assorted Godiva chocolates can run up to $50. The queen of reality-show courting saved the millionaire — and now you — about $35.

2. Be creative. Unless you’re a royal prince, as is one contestant this season, pick a venue that shows off your initiative more than your bankroll. Stanger recalled a spot off of I-95 in Fort Lauderdale where she used to lie down and feel the landing and ascending airplanes move over her body. Complemented by a bucket of KFC and drinks, that was an evening’s entertainment and a fun way to get to know someone. Economical dating “is about doing those cool and out-of-the-way things,” Stanger says.

3. BYOB. Pick a place where you can bring the wine. Even better, let it be Two Buck Chuck, the Trader Joe’s pocket-change vino marketed under the name Charles Shaw. Stanger adores the stuff. If you go to a restaurant, be advised that industry-wide markups average about 75% over retail, according to winemag.com. In other words, you’re not getting out of your meal for less than $25 on your bar tab alone. Stanger just saved you another $23. Hey, Patti, ever consider the personal-finance biz?

4. Scour papers and blogs for free and low-priced events. Free concerts, art exhibits, plays and old art-house movies can do the trick. You’ll get props for your thoughtfulness when you bring a picnic. The beach is an option, too. The average price for a concert ticket has climbed to $31.57, according to digitalmusicnews.com. That’s up to $31.57 (or $63.14, if you’d be paying for two) more for you to keep in your pocket.

5. Resist the temptation of coffee, lunch or an after-work drink. Yeah, they all cost less than dinner, but you’ll lose a potential relationship. “Romance is the key to dating,” she says. “You can’t get romantic on a coffee. A drink is an audition. Lunch is an interview. Brunch and dinner are romance.” Even in urban areas like Los Angeles, where Matchmaker returns after a year in New York, you can find great brunch places that won’t break your piggy bank.

6. Show off, but only in the right setting. It’s free and it puts you in the best possible light. “If you sing, sing,” Stanger says. “If you dance, dance. Show me your assets, baby. If you’re muscular, wear a tight shirt.” That doesn’t mean you burst into song in the middle of a quiet cafe. Find your moment, like singing along to the radio or at a club. A professional golfer once took Stanger on a date to a miniature golf course. After a much-publicized broken engagement last summer, she is seeing a “starving artist” who is making her a painting. “You want to show that you’re different than everybody,” she says. “It’s about the inner you.” Stanger, however, has strict advice for magicians tempted to strut their stuff: Don’t. Just don’t. “I don’t like magicians,” she says. “They’re creepy. Let’s keep that in the box.”

7. Don’t put yourself in a position to look cheap. It’s the biggest turn-off of all, Stanger warns. If you can’t afford to be somewhere, don’t be there. Stanger says a date once pulled up in a Porsche and requested that they split a tasting menu for one. Stanger’s response? Neh-eh.

8. Don’t talk about money. At all costs. Never thought you’d read that in a personal-finance column, did ya? We’re not sure this tip will save you money, but it will save your dignity.

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November 25, 2011

Racial Divide for Online Dating?

Filed under: blacks, dating, online, race, research, study, whites — Tags: blacks, dating, online, race, research, study, whites — admin @ 12:27 pm

On-line dating appears to be as segregated as the real world, say researchers from the University of California, Berkeley.

Researchers gathered information from more than 1 million profiles of singles looking for love online.

They learned that whites overwhelmingly prefer to date members of their own race, while blacks, especially men, are far more likely to cross the race barrier.

The Berkeley scientists analyzed the racial preferences and online activity of people from the United States who subscribed between 2009 and 2010 to a major Internet dating service.

In their profiles, the online daters stated a racial preference. Some said they preferred to date only within their race, others preferred someone outside their race, and yet others said they were open to dating someone of any race.

Researchers were then able to compare the online daters’ stated preferences with whom they actually contacted for a date, and they found profound differences between blacks and whites.

“Those who said they were indifferent to the race of a partner were most likely to be young, male and black,” said Dr. Gerald Mendelsohn, lead lead author of the study, which will soon be submitted for publication.

Overall, he said, “Whites more than blacks, women more than men and old more than young participants stated a preference for a partner of the same race.”

The reluctance of whites to contact blacks was true even for those who claimed they were indifferent to race. More than 80 percent of the whites contacted whites and fewer than 5 percent of them contacted blacks, a disparity that held for young as well as for older participants.

“Were they hypocritical? Alert to the realities of the social world? Striving for political correctness? Attempting an optimizing strategy of self-presentation? Our data do not permit us to choose among those alternatives,” the study authors wrote.

An estimated one in five Americans has used an online dating service such as eHarmony or Match.com, and a growing number are finding romance via Facebook and other social networking sites. The percentage of couples who have met online is now nearly equal to that of pairs who met through friends or family, according to the researchers.

“As the use of online dating services grows, people whose paths never would have crossed offline now regularly meet and have meaningful exchanges in the virtual world,” the study stated.

The last 40 years have seen a dramatic shift in attitudes in America toward black-white intermarriage – from three to one opposed to three to one in favor, said Mendelsohn. Yet, 2000 U.S. Census data shows that black-white couples represent just 1 percent of American marriages, he said.

The main findings of this study parallel the census data on marriage in that blacks are more likely than whites to be in interracial marriages, and that couples in which the husband is black and the wife is white are more common than those in which the husband is white and the wife is black, according to Mendelsohn.

“One theory is that blacks are acting like other minority populations in the history of this country,” Mendelsohn said. “They are interested in moving up in the power structure, and one way you do that is through intermarriage with the dominant group.”

According to the study, more than 80 percent of the online dating contacts initiated by whites were to other whites, with only 3 percent going to blacks. This trend held for both men and women, young and old. Although black participants initiated contact to members of their own race more than to whites, they were 10 times more likely to contact whites than vice versa, according the the study.

The researchers also tracked the rates of reciprocation among the pool of online daters, looking at how they responded once they received a message from an interested potential partner. Again, white men and women were most likely to respond to members of their own race, and only 5 percent of their responses went to blacks.

A major objective of the study was to gauge how changing attitudes about interracial marriage and an increase in dating opportunities have played out in relationships between blacks and whites. Also of interest to researchers was the question of whether the Obama presidency signals that the United States has entered a post-racial era.

“It is clear that we are not yet in the post-racial era, and evidence from studies of online dating suggest that waiting for its arrival will take some patience,” the study concluded.

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November 24, 2011

Divorce and Dating

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: dating, desperate, girlfriend, idea, married, relationship, single — admin @ 2:34 am

By Dirty Laundry

Ok, so we’ve covered the fact I’m not a fan of online dating, we’ve addressed the issue of protecting the kids from the confusion of new partners and I’ve made it clear I’m in no hurry to enter another relationship.

Once bitten, twice shy and all that stuff.

But hanging out with the single crowd has been eye opening to say the least – after all it has been almost two decades since I entered a bar without a ring on my finger and, oh my, it’s just a little bit desperate out there.

I had no idea how many lonely, desperate people there are. “Meat market” is definitely an accurate description of our city’s nightlife.

Perhaps I’m coming at it from an entirely different perspective, given that I’m not desperate and I’m enjoying being single. In fact I’m cherishing it – having dwelled in the hopeless bowels of coupledom for so long.

I could have been married five times over, had an affair with a married man, shacked up with a boy half my age, and juggled the affections of several males (and one female) if I was to believe all the crap that gets spoken over a glass of wine or a date for that matter.

I admit I have trust issues but I’m intrigued to hear from other new singles about how they filter out all the nonsense that seems to come along with dating or just being single.

I’m not on RSVP but does anyone take those online dating profiles seriously? And some of the lines I’ve been spun are just too mindboggling not to share.

“My girlfriend is out of town, but we have an understanding.” (Yep I bet you do… like if she finds out you’ve been cheating on her there’s an understanding she won’t be your girlfriend anymore).

“So, do you want to get out of here?” Me: “Umm, you’re married”. Him: “Yes, but you’re not.” Me: “Yes but you are.” (Would it be wrong to punch him on behalf of his wife?)

“If there are other guys on the scene, that’s kind of a deal breaker.” Me: “So are you saying you want a serious relationship and don’t want me to see any other guys?” Him: “No, I just want to have sex with you.” (Hmmm, right. Did you want to chain me to the bed while you’re at it?)

“You’re a single parent, so am I. We both have needs and not enough time. Why don’t you just come over and f*** me?” Me: “That kind of sounds like a business transaction. Amazingly, I still have some hope of romance.” (Thanks, but no thanks).

“I find you very attractive. Very interesting. I didn’t think beyond that. I know a ‘boy’ looking to screw something isn’t acceptable for you.” Me: “Then if you don’t want to screw me and nor do you want a girlfriend… what do you want?” Him: “I have no idea.” (Great… get back to me when you have a clue.)

As someone for whom this is all new again, I enjoy being single. I love my freedom, my independence and the complete ownership of my own life this allows. Why is it so many fail to appreciate the simplicity of the single life, the beauty of doing what you want, when you want, how you want, with who you want?

So many people jump from one relationship to another so easily, so quickly, so carelessly (can these interactions even be called relationships?).

It may be that I’m fiercely protective of my children, it may be that I’m overly cautious, it may be that I have a long list of non-negotiable expectations that I seek in a partner, but I will never be in a relationship just for the sake of it.

Divorce has taught me the importance of being self-assured enough to never rely on another individual to make you happy. Be happy with who you are first, not who you’re with.

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November 23, 2011

Dating Guru Reveals The Truth About Why Pick Up Lines Don’t Work To Pick Up Women

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: confidence, funny, lines, pick, women — admin @ 4:28 am

Men have been using pick up lines on women for years. But do they really work? Using a pick up line can come across as more of a joke than something that actually works to pick up women.

Dating expert Carlos Xuma revealed recently in a special report that it actually doesn’t matter what you say when you try to pick up women. In fact, men are focusing on the wrong part of the experience.

The fact is, some pick up lines are corny, some are a bit gross guy humor, and some are just plain offensive and will earn a guy a drink in his face. Most pick up lines that are supposed to be funny – but only funny to other men. But here’s a secret most guys don’t know about: Women don’t think they’re funny at all.

So are there any pick up lines that really work to attract women?

Well yes – and no.

“In other words, what really matters is what you say to her after she responds to your pick up line,” Carlos Xuma says. “For instance, you might walk up and tell her she’s beautiful and say you just had to come say hello. She will thank you, smile, and then wait for what you are going to say next.”

And that’s the critical moment, Xuma says.

He likens it to a man’s two-minute warning. Here’s the crunch time when a guy is trying to get a girlfriend.

At this moment, the man has to convey his confidence and whether he is worth the woman’s further time and attention.

“This is where you have to have your wits about you and come up with something interesting to say in response. Anyone can memorize pick up lines but not everyone can think on their feet and respond in real time,” Xuma says.

In his special report, Carlos Xuma teaches men just what to do next and how to strike up a conversation that will show the woman that the man is confident and worth her time. He teaches men not only how to pick up women but how to create a persona so that women will actually flock to men instead of the other way around. And that goes a lot deeper than using corny pick up lines.

For years, Xuma has been sharing a wealth of information that has helped men improve their seduction techniques, learn how to attract women, and build self-confidence to a higher level than ever before.

Carlos Xuma has been a dating expert and attraction adviser for more than 10 years and has appeared on ABC and CBS television, as well as Playboy radio. He’s the author of The Bad Boy Formula, Secrets of the Alpha Male, the Girlfriend Training Program, and numerous other books and articles. He has also been recognized for his work helping hundreds of men develop the Three S’s: self-confidence, self-discipline, and a sense of humor.

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November 16, 2011

10 Dating and Relationships Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

Filed under: boyfriend, dating, flags, relationship, sense, women — Tags: boyfriend, dating, flags, relationship, sense, women — admin @ 9:26 am

By Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary

Having collected relationship red flag stories from thousands of women, we’ve read some pretty unbelievable accounts of men’s not-so-nice (to put it lightly) behavior. We’ve also noticed somewhat of a pattern: Certain red flags—warning signs we define as indications that there might be an underlying issue in your relationship—just kept appearing in our inboxes from women who wished they had recognized the signs earlier. Learn from their mistakes, and avoid dating disasters of your own, by being aware of these 10 big red flags.

He’s not really your boyfriend

If he hasn’t “defined the relationship”, otherwise known as “DTR”—it doesn’t matter how many dates you’ve been on or how many times you’ve slept together … you are not his girlfriend. A fact he will be sure to remind you the second you expect him to treat you like one.

He treats you like a, well, slut

Even if your relationship is largely sex-based, a man should still be interested in your comfort and pleasure—not simply use your body as if it’s simply there for his disposal. Without some tenderness, sex becomes more business transaction than intimate encounter . . . in which case, you may as well ask him to leave you a check by the nightstand.

He’s only there for you when it’s convenient for him

A guy who won’t commit to dinner until twenty minutes before he’s supposed to pick you up is clearly waiting to make sure he’s not going to miss out on whatever his buddies are doing. In addition to making you feel trivial, this guy is undependable—he’ll be around on sunny days but as soon as the clouds roll in, he’ll run for cover.

He’s a narcissist

While a little self-love is healthy, a man who is too busy gazing lovingly at his own reflection to attend to your needs, or even compliment you once in a while, is not one worth dating. Narcissism is an actual psychological condition that usually requires therapy to remedy. However, in order for treatment to work, the man must be able to admit that he has a personality flaw. Good luck convincing a narcissist that he’s anything but perfect. No one, including you, will ever be good enough for him or worth his attention because, after all, he’s already found the best lover . . . himself. And when your Romeo is living in his own little world, a healthy relationship is a fantasy.

He doesn’t have your back

If your guy is constantly pointing out your flaws or correcting you (like when you say “uh huh” instead of “yes”) in front of your friends, family, colleagues (or even total strangers), he’s letting you, and the world, know, that he really doesn’t have your back. Not to say that your boyfriend should never disagree with you, but he definitely shouldn’t pick you apart.

He’s shady with this phone

If he always goes into the other room to talk, he may have another woman on the side. The number of late-night texts he sends and receives is proportional to how many other chicks he’s probably sleeping with.

He accuses you of being unfaithful

We’re not precisely sure what psychology lies behind this crackpot move, but loads of women have reported the phenomenon. One girl’s boyfriend incessantly checked her phone for incriminating text messages, another’s demanded she check in with him every thirty minutes if she wanted to go out with her girlfriends, and more than a few girl’s boyfriends would go ballistic if they spied their ladies even talking to another guy.

He constantly critiques you

Maybe he’ll make backhanded comments about your weight, or have the occasional demand that you change into something “more appropriate,” either way, acts like these show that you man is less interested in you and more concerned with bending, breaking, and shaping you to look like the woman he believes he deserves. Perhaps he’ll merely offer a suggestion, but say it with a slightly contemptuous tone, or teach you a new, “more efficient” way of doing something you’ve been doing every day for ten years (how you made it this far without him there to tell you how to wipe your own ass is a miracle).

He’s inconsiderate<

For this red flag, pay attention to your man’s small gestures—like if he stops at Jack ‘n the Box for a milkshake on the way to your house but forgets to bring you a treat. Inconsiderate acts early on tend to escalate the more comfortable a man becomes with the situation, and pretty soon you’ll be in a one-way relationship headed full speed for resentment.

He’s a control freak

Controlling men’s manipulative ways may take on a variety of forms: some guys may berate you into being who they want you to be; some try to isolate you from your family and friends; some present ultimatums to run the relationship. Other men repeatedly “rescue” you—chipping away at your independence until you’re fully dependent on them. Dating a guy like this puts you in an unhealthy situation, to say the least. A functional relationship consists of respect and support, not one person calling all the shots. Even if he says he’ll change, he probably won’t—cut your losses before you lose your sense of self, sense of worth, and sense of right and wrong.

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