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March 29, 2010

Interpreting DIY Blind Dating Red Fags

Filed under: date, flags, woman — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — admin @ 1:28 pm

Do-it-yourself (DIY) blind dating has become one of the most popular ways of meeting people via social networking. It is easy to set up a date over Facebook or Myspace, but the problem is that a woman on a blind date doesn’t really know who or what is going to show up when she actually meets the date. When a meeting finally occurs, the person may look “normal”, but once he starts talking it can be a completely different story.

After a few strike outs, optimism takes a backseat and a person just hopes the date she’d agreed to meet for coffee over Facebook is not some sort of serial killer. The days of grandma setting her granddaughter up with her pyromaniac next door neighbor are over, welcome to dating 2.0. Here are some red flags interpreted that will help weed out the freaks.

He Arrives to the Date Appearing Disheveled, Confused and Late

What’s the excuse for a man that is late, unkempt and looking like a wild-eyed serial killer? He is a serial killer, or a hobo, that’s what. Bonus points if he is wearing clothing with visible blood, puke, urine, dirt or is filthy in general. Get out of there as quickly as possible, and make sure he doesn’t follow.

He Uses the Terms “Leet”, “Alliance”, “Horde” or “Noob” In Casual Conversation

This is a sure sign of an online MMORPG (Massively-Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) player. Expect to take a backseat to raids, prepubescent boys using the handle “Macdaddyninjatroll”, and having a partner in general. In a worst-case-scenario, he blows all his money to on fake Warcraft (which he will call “WOW”) in-game gold to buy a mount for his Tauren Shaman. Unless playing an MMORPG is a personal hobby, this is not a guy worth dating.

He Lies About His Age

When a silver fox shows up instead of a 25 year-old man, there is a problem. No matter how hip or “with it” (he will use this term) he claims to be, just remember that he had to lie to get a date. This is never a good sign. Tell grandpa to troll the senior’s homes instead of Myspace.

He Calls His Mother “Mommy”

He is a mama’s boy. He will want meals cooked, laundry done, and sit on his butt until someone richer, hotter, or with a lower self esteem comes along.

He Talks About “Yilfing”

He’s a furry. Run! There is a subculture of anthropomorphism where people dress up like sports team mascots and animal costumes that would make the Easter Bunny at the mall cry. Call it a fetish, and don’t get involved.

He Eats With His Mouth Open

He is a slob and probably lives in grandma’s basement because mommy kicked them out. If he doesn’t have enough respect to uses general etiquette that says it all.

He Claims to be a Hipster, But It’s Just a Cover for Why He Doesn’t Have a Car or Job

This means he is possibly lazy, has a DUI and cannot legally drive, can’t afford McDonald’s and will crash on friends couches for as long as he can milk it, if given the chance.

He Has “Eager Beaver” Syndrome

He wants to move in by the end of the date. He is disgustingly complimentary and will do anything to please. He is desperate and has not been in a relationship for five years. Do not be fooled; his charm is dependent on hooking a woman. Once hooked, he will use crafty tactics to keep a woman, and call constantly. This kind of man is hard to shake off, so stay away.

He Insults the Waiter at the Restaurant

Two words: control freak. This is also called “It puts the lotion in the basket” syndrome. When he is not roid raging at the waiter, his woman will be the target. These men are often abusive and use fear and guilt into making their women complacent. Do not pass go with this one.

Stay Cautious and Look for Flags

DIY blind dating can expand man options past those of traditional dating, but it can also pave the way for freaks to get their foot in the door. No matter how nice a guy may seem online, an in-person meeting can determine if he is dating material.

Be aware and go with a gut instinct. If something doesn’t seem right or add up, go with it. Never give out any personal information, like an address, workplace, or school, and always arrange to meet at a neutral location. There are plenty of men out there, even if it seems like there aren’t. Time is the key. Date a variety of men and see what happens, and don’t settle.

Incontri per adulti a Wave Off Loneliness

March 16, 2010

Big Dating Myths — And Surprising Truths

Filed under: myth, study, truth — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , — admin @ 7:34 pm

MYTH: When you’re prepping to go out on the prowl, put on a barely there outfit — men like women who show lots and lots of skin.

TRUTH: A new study published in the journal Behaviour found that, to reel in the boys, the ideal amount of flesh you should reveal is 40 percent. A crop top and mini crosses the line from seductive to skanky.

MYTH: If you’re into a guy, make the first move on him.

TRUTH: Smile at him, but then wait for him to come to you. A Northwestern University study discovered that the person who does the approaching usually ends up falling harder.

MYTH: While chatting him up on a date, focus on your shared interests.

TRUTH: Discussing stuff you have in common will make you feel connected. However, it’s also key to talk about interesting personal experiences and hobbies that are different from his. According to experts, being exposed to new and exciting things increases the chemical dopamine in our bodies, and that in turn builds interest and passion.

MYTH: Eat a low-calorie meal like veggies and salad when out with a guy in order to show that you’re attractive and take good care of yourself.

TRUTH: Despite a recent study from McMaster University in Canada that found women tend to do just that, most guys actually go for chicks who will eat a real meal in front of them, says Scott Kudia, author of If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? Not that you should stuff your face, but men want to be with someone who will be herself around him. Nibbling at rabbit food reads as phony and guarded.

MYTH: The first thing that grabs guys’ attention is your eyes.

TRUTH: In a Cosmo and AskMen.com poll, 62 percent of guys notice a hot body. Only 27 percent are lured in by seductive eyes. (See myth #1 for a tip on how to show off your curves in the sexiest way.)

MYTH: It’s a good idea to “friend” a guy you’re dating, so that you can get to know each other better and feel closer.

TRUTH: A study published in CyberPsychology and Behavior found that being Facebook friends with the person you’re seeing increases relationship jealousy (ahem, like by clicking through pics of each other with your respective exes). It also leads to a sense of over familiarity that can doom a relationship, particularly in the early stages.

MYTH: Don’t talk about yourself too much on a date or you’ll seem narcissistic. Instead, ask him plenty of questions.

TRUTH: You should absolutely show sincere interest in him. But it’s equally essential to refer to yourself during conversation. Men go for women who use the word I frequently, according to a study published in Personal Relationships. Researchers surmise it’s because that term indicates self-disclosure, which promotes intimacy and closeness. It also reflects your independence — a huge turn-on.

Dating Tips for Men

March 9, 2010

How to Read Body Language

How to tell if a man is interested in a woman? Take a hint from his eye contact, facial expressions, arm and leg movement, and overall demeanor what he’s thinking and feeling. It’s not too difficult to know if the relationship is charmed or doomed. Just pay attention to the tiny details that will reveal everything.

Eye Contact and Pupil Dilation

In the U.S., people assume that eye contact is critical in knowing if someone is telling the truth or being deceitful. However, in some cultures, direct eye contact is a sign of disrespect. In cultures where eye contact is acceptable, eyes remaining on the other person’s face at least 80 percent of the time shows interest.

What is more important is pupil dilation, something people have no control over. If a person is interested in another person, the pupils are likely to dilate. To double check this, discuss something the person obviously has no interest in and watch his pupils constrict. Then bring up something that is one of his passions, and see what happens.

Blinking or Winking

When someone blinks, it often shows interest in what the other person is saying, according to Reading the Eyes, an article on Psychologist World’s website. Winking, however, varies according to culture. In the Western world, winking is a flirty gesture, while in other cultures, it is disrespectful.

Standing Close

Men and women who stand very close may be showing interest. Other clues to look for to indicate a positive awareness are:

  • More touching than normal
  • Leaning toward the other person
  • Frequent laughing and smiling
  • Sparkling and smiling eyes

Keep in mind that there may be some cultural differences, which may cause a different reading of the person’s intentions. Most Hispanics tend to have a smaller comfort zone than many Asian people, due to cultural upbringing. Be aware of the person’s background and watch for changes in his particular behavior. If he starts out standing arm’s length apart then moves closer while focusing on the conversation, this is a sign of interest.

Signs of a Woman’s Interest

Many women, knowingly or unknowingly, show their interest in a man by moving a certain way or making gestures that indicate that their senses are heightened. When she tosses her hair, strokes her hair or moves it away from her face and exposes her bare shoulders, she’s showing a desire for attention. Other things she may do are lick her lips, apply fresh lipstick or slowly nibble on something she’s eating.

Signs of a Man’s Interest

Men tend to watch a woman’s gestures, looking for a sign they’re interested. If they feel confident they won’t be rejected, they may lift an eyebrow and let it fall, according to Tracey Cox in 18 Body Language Clues That Say He’s Interested, an article on ivillage.com.

Other signs to watch for include:

  • His lips parting
  • His nostrils flaring
  • Trying to get the woman’s attention
  • Stroking his tie or smoothing his lapel
  • Messing up his hair or smoothing it back
  • Raised eyebrows while listening
  • Standing with hands on his hips
  • Playing with his buttons
  • Playing with his face while talking to the woman
  • Leaning toward the woman
  • Offering his coat or jacket

Although the physical signs aren’t foolproof, they may indicate the other person’s interest. Watch for eye contact, blinking, pupil dilation, how close the other person stands, preening and other body language gestures for a strong hint. If this is the first date, the best way to find out what the other person is thinking or feeling is to come right out and ask.

March 7, 2010

The Pros And Cons Of Dating Your Coworkers

Who do you turn to when you need advice? If a neutral sounding board is what you need, e-mail us! We are here to help you keep a level head and an open heart on life’s bumpy road to happiness.

Dating in high school and college is so easy. You may not think so while you are there, but believe us, having a select pool of candidates makes finding someone to date infinitely easier. Everyone is the same age and of the same mindset.

When college ends, the dating difficulty begins. You are no longer surrounded by hundreds of options. So where do you go to meet someone? Bars are the first choice, but it gets old and obnoxious after a while. Blind dates are not all they are cracked up to be. Which leaves Internet dating, and, well, you know how we feel about that.

So what about the tried-and-true office romance? Is it something to avoid like the plague, or is your future spouse sitting a few cubicles away?

Krystle thinks that work is a great place to meet someone. Granted, she doesn’t have a lot of experience dating in this setting.

She finds nothing wrong with dating someone at work as long as it is appropriate and you aren’t violating any HR rules. After all, it’s only natural to become interested in someone you see every day and have a good working relationship with. In fact, the way you work together may be a good indicator of how you would behave in a relationship.

If you don’t have a lot of opportunity to meet people outside of work, then work is as good a place as any. She would, however, advise you proceed with caution. Workplace romance should never interfere with one’s job. It should never be overly obvious that you are having a relationship with someone. It’s personal and should be kept that way.

Erin has a rule when it comes to office romance: It’s a no-no. After a relationship ended badly with a co-worker, Erin promised herself she would never date someone in her office again.

While in the relationship, you constantly have it on your mind that you don’t want anyone to find out. It becomes very difficult to focus on spreadsheets and e-mail when you are thinking about the other person or see them passing your cubicle. Forget about sitting in a conference room with windows. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face when your significant other keeps walking past with a smirk on their face?

If you continue dating after one or both of you move on to new jobs, it will be fine for you in the long run. But what happens when you break up while you are both working for the same company? You could end up like Erin, when she burst into tears every time her ex-boyfriend walked past or someone mentioned his name. It doesn’t look great to your boss when you suddenly cannot work on a project with that person.

Whether you believe it’s a good idea or a nightmare waiting to happen, we suggest that you proceed with caution. Do not carpool to work or constantly have lunch dates as you will only draw more attention to yourselves.

Keep your personal relationship separate from your work relationship as you would with someone you didn’t work with. Our feeling is that you will end up with whoever you should end up with in the long run, whether they are a co-worker or not!

March 3, 2010

Looking For Love? Keep An Open Mind

After her divorce five years ago, Lisa Hook re-entered the dating world, unsure of what she’d find.

As a single working mother, Hook said she didn’t have time for bars or singles clubs. So she concentrated her efforts on reputable online singles sites.

“I’m not going to say it wasn’t scary at first,” said Hook, 45, a Rochester mother of two who works in publishing. “Everything was so different. It’s challenging with all the new media.”

Christie Laabs, 26, of Sterling Heights said her age group has a different problem.

“When we go out, people don’t talk to each other at bars,” says Laabs, who does freelance production work for Comcast’s Dating on Demand video dating service. “It’s not like on TV, where someone comes up and starts talking to you. People tend to just hang out in their own groups.”

Hook said all this leaves her wishing for an easy solution.

“It would be wonderful to just lock eyes and meet someone at Dairy Queen,” she said. “But I know that’s not going to happen.”

She’s right, said Shirley Bavonese, a licensed marriage and family therapist, who with her husband, Joe, cofounded and directs Relationship Institute in Royal Oak and Livonia. In an age of e-mail and texts, many singles expect instant results, but that won’t happen.

“You have to put some work into it,” said Bavonese, adding people often put more time into choosing a car than a date.

“The bottom line is if your goal is a lifetime partner, it’s going to take a while to find that person. Quick date, take a class, join a social club, but … put yourself out there.”

With the advent of online dating, there are more choices than ever, said Bavonese, who met her husband of 15 years through singles ads. Yet, Hook said online dating can be a “double-edged sword” for busy people.

“It increases the dating pool a thousandfold,” Hook said. “On the other hand, the competition is also increased. Or you might click online, and then meet and the chemistry’s not there.”

Bavonese suggests if you meet someone interesting, get offline quickly so you can get to know the person.

“As soon as you can, shift to a phone call, then to a meeting in a public place,” said Bavonese, a master social worker who also runs singles workshops.

Another big mistake is being overly picky, Bavonese said. She suggests making a list of what you’re looking for in a partner, with the top three qualities being lifelong ones that are absolute.

“Tall, dark and handsome will change,” she said. “What doesn’t change is kind, compassionate and willing to negotiate.”

Bavonese said before you begin lamenting the lack of decent men or women, examine if you have what it takes for a long-term relationship.

“You only draw people to you as healthy emotionally as you are,” she says. “You need to be a full person and happy with who you are if you’re going to look for a partner to complement you.”

That means it’s not only OK to be single, but imperative to take time between relationships.

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