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May 7, 2012

Cyberspace Love Goes Beyond Marriage

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 5:28 pm

Marriage is not the only measure of success among people looking for love in cyberspace, a new study has claimed.

Rachel Magee and Christopher Mascaro from The iSchool at Drexel, College of Information Science and Technology, and their advisor Dr. Sean P. Goggins, completed a study that takes a closer look at the success stories of online daters.

Their results point toward a more accurate interpretation of why people decide to use online dating technology, why they choose a specific site and what they consider a successful online dating experience.

“We each had used online dating sites, and were both fascinated with how and why people use these services,” Newswise quoted Magee as saying.

“We started to look at the research out there, and realized that what was missing was research into what constitutes successful online dating experiences. This is an extremely important part of most people’s lives, and we wanted to look at the big picture,” she said.

The Drexel study examined data gathered during a two-week sample period in the spring of 2011 from success stories listed on the dating sites Match.com, eHarmony and OkCupid. The researchers looked at a random sampling of 20 percent of the success stories from each site.

Their findings concluded that a vast majority, 84 percent, of users who reported “successful” experiences on eHarmony where referring to marriage. By contrast, 46.7 percent of the reported success stories from Match.com were marriage stories and only 23 percent of the success stories on OkCupid were about marriage.

“What we found in our research confirmed some of our experiences and anecdotal evidence, that certain dating sites fostered certain cultures and the range of success stories indicated as much,” Mascaro said.

“Our findings also indicate that even with the proliferation of technologically and mediated social networking sites, real world social networks still play a significant role in technological adoption and mate selection,” he said.

Each of the sites broke down their results into three categories of success – dating, engaged and married. An analysis of the data revealed that most users who had a successful experience on OkCupid, considered dating to be successful with slightly fewer stories of engagement and the fewest stories in the category of marriage.

The frequency of stories for both eHarmony and Match.com increased in each category from dating to marriage.

May 6, 2012

The Secret To Middle-Aged Dating

Filed under: children, dating, experience, older, people, relationship — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 2:33 am

MIAMI (CBS4) – Dating is tough for anyone in any age group, but as people get older it becomes tougher.

Laurence Sanchez has yet to discover the secret recipe for dating in her 40’s.

“Many woman my age, above 44, have children and they come as a package,” said Sanchez whose package includes her children which she has from her first marriage of 20 years.

She is looking for someone that would take care of her kids like she would take care of theirs. But when people are too old to date like they did when they were in college and they are too young to only focus on the perfect companion to live out the rest of their lives, then they are considered to be middle aged and dating.

“The older we get, the more experience we have. Some call it baggage I call it experience,” Ann Robbins a match maker and certified relationship expert.

Some of the dating challenges include having too many choices, and not enough time to evaluate them, or simply being too selective.

So how can you fix it and find your mate:

  • Know your values
  • Identify your needs
  • Make yourself a priority
  • Make time for dating
  • Learn from your mistakes
  • Expand your social network.

The most important lesson of all, is to take your time and search for the perfect ingredients to make the perfect relationship.

“So far it is fun. I do not know how long, but so far it is fun,” said Sanchez.

May 1, 2012

Solo Mom: What about dating?

Filed under: boyfriend, date,friends, dating, girlfriend, kids — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 12:33 am

By Stacy Lamb

People have asked me to write a post about dating as a single parent. I am confident this is because people really just want some answers, not because they think I actually have them. I’m certainly no expert – unless you truly believe that we learn the most from our mistakes! (ha ha…)

With that said, there is one part of dating that I’m happy to address, and that is the question of “how do I introduce my date to my kids?” Of course, every situation is different, and what works for some does not for others. However, from what I have seen, I can certainly offer some (tongue in cheek) tips on how NOT to introduce your new boyfriend/girlfriend to your kids!

  • First of all, we’ve all heard the rule of thumb about not dating for a year after separation – while you may feel ready sooner, your kids don’t want to see you with another man/woman, so consider leaving them out of it for a while.
  • The best way of introducing your date probably does not include having your young child sleep between you and your date during the first weekend she or he spends in your custody.
  • You may want to leave out any suggestion, either direct or implied, of your date being the “new mommy/daddy.”
  • Don’t compare your new significant other to the other parent of your children. This is going to backfire when your child starts comparing as well (and probably not in your favor).

Surely, by the time you are dating, you’ve at least got a network of friends. Bring your date out to group events that include other friends and kids. You want your significant other to be a part of your circle of friends anyway, don’t you? That way your kids can get to know him or her within an environment where they are already comfortable – and without the pressure of HAVING to like Mom’s boyfriend (or Dad’s girlfriend).

The date can just be “one of your friends” until enough time has passed and you know a couple of things: He or she is in your life for the foreseeable future and you know the person gets along with your kids.

After all, if your kids don’t like your significant other, chances are there’s a reason for that (hello, red flag!). And even if there is no seemingly “real” reason, the kids come first!

April 26, 2012

Do Political Affiliations Matter in Dating?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 7:33 pm

You are on a date with a wonderful man/woman. He/she is speaking, but you are gazing lovingly into his/her eyes thinking how lucky you are having finally met your perfect match. Then you hear him/her say this: “And that is why I think Sarah Palin would make a great president.”

How attracted are you now?

Empirically, it appears that married couples tend to share political beliefs and that those political beliefs are passed down to their children. Those observations alone suggest that when looking for a mate singles search within the pool of other singles that share their beliefs, just like they search within the pool of people who share their religious beliefs or have a similar level of education.

Thanks to the millions of singles who unwittingly reveal their mate preferences to researchers when they complete an online dating profile, this hypothesis can be tested. A new paper, forthcoming in the Journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, does just that and finds that for most people political beliefs is not something they choose to advertise to potential mates.

Using data from an online dating site that allows users to state politics as one of their “interests,” the authors find that only 14% of users choose to make that choice. If people really do care about finding someone with similar political beliefs why do they appear unwilling to reveal those beliefs earlier in the mating game?

The authors of the paper give a few possible explanations for why this is the case (for example, singles may be afraid that they will screen out potential partners who will view their beliefs as a negative), but they ignore the fact that political “interest” appears on a list of 27 other interests that include “dining out”, “camping”, “cooking”, “wine tasting” and so on.

If I were reading this list and making my choices, I would interpret that purpose of the exercise is to indicate activities that I would like to do with my potential mate. I would also choose only a few items for fear that I look like I haven’t given much thought to the exercise or was not being very honest about my interests (i.e. that I was applying a shotgun approach to make sure I capture the biggest audience).

There is a very big difference between saying, “I have political views and I need to find someone that shares those views” and saying, “I am searching for a partner who enjoys discussing politics”.

Personally, I do need to find someone who shares my political beliefs but I would not rank an interest in politics over activities like traveling, cooking together or coffee and conversations. Very few people would, obviously, since political interests rank 23rd on the list of 27 choices (ranking between video gaming and business networking as expressed interests).

Even among the subset of people that were willing to explicitly state their political preference on their dating profile, the vast majority (57%) stated that their political belief is “middle of the road”. Another 10% stated that their belief as “some other viewpoint” (i.e. some other viewpoint than the varying degrees of conservative and liberal viewpoints that are given as options) and a few others chose “no answer”.

So among the roughly 50% of users who were willing to state a political belief, a very small number were willing to actually be definitive about what that belief was.

Who was willing to explicitly state a belief? Older daters (40 year olds were 4 percentage points more likely than 18 year olds); educated daters (those with college graduates were 15 percentage points more likely high school graduates); and those who also indicated an interest in religion and spirituality (13 percentage points more likely than those who did not).

Those with a higher income were more likely to report beliefs that are “middle of the road”. For example, a single who earns between $75,000 and $100,000 per year was 7 percentage points more likely to report political beliefs that were “middle of the road” than one who earns between $25,000 and $35,000.

What is interesting though, is that this effect of income on expressing beliefs that are “middle of the road” is being driving predominantly by the behavior of women, and not men.

The authors argue that this evidence, and the evidence that showed that high income women expressed an interest in politics at a greater frequency than low income women, shows that women care more about finding a man who has a high income than men care about finding a woman who has a high income.

The authors write:

The more financially secure a woman is, the more likely she is to post political content in her dating profile. One potential reason this might be the case is because women who are more financially successful have less need for resources from potential mates.

So, being less desperate to find a husband, apparently, is a reasonable explanation for why high income women might express an interest in politics.

In reality, the only way we can determine people’s preferences in dating is not to observe their stated preferences but to observe the choices that they make on that market. Other studies have found big discrepancies between what people say they want and the choices they make when actually searching. The best example of this how many people say they do not care about their potential partner’s race and then only contact people of the same race as themselves.

The best way to test the hypothesis that people purposely match with others who share their political beliefs is to observe if they are more likely to send messages expressing interest to those who state those beliefs.

For me, I think I would rather wait until I got to know someone before talking about political beliefs and I certainly don’t need to be married to someone who votes the same way as me. In fact, I would be very concerned about a person who felt the need to vote the same way in every single election or even worse, the same way their parents voted in every election.

It doesn’t say much about the political process when being “middle of the road” is interpreted as a dating strategy rather than a willingness to actively engage in the political process.

Reference:

Klofstada, Casey; Rose McDermottb and Peter K. Hatemic (2011). “Do bedroom eyes wear political glasses? The role of politics in human mate attraction.” Evolution and Human Behavior (In Press).

April 16, 2012

Online Dating Made Easy with Mobile App

Filed under: dating, eharmony, love, meeting, online, people — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 8:33 am

ST. LOUIS — No matter what your thoughts are about online dating, more and more marriages are starting out with an online connection. FOX 4?s Rich Demuro shows how the matchmaking app makes meeting people easy.

About one in five relationships are now starting out online, and chances are you even know a couple who met through a dating site. There used to be a certain stigma about meeting someone online. But the numbers don’t lie.

“Over 20 percent of the people have met their spouses in some way online,” eHarmony Senior Research Scientist Gian Gonzaga said.

That means New Years might be the perfect time to head online and look for love.

“Five-hundred and forty-two people a day on average get married after meeting on eHarmony, which is pretty extraordinary,” Gonzaga said. “We actually match you up with people who our system determines that you’re compatible with. You have a better chance of making a good long-term relationship.”

The company recently launched a new iPad app. It makes matchmaking relaxing and kind of fun.The app allows you to arrange your matches according to new people and gives you a Polaroid, along with some basic details.And since everyone on the site takes a personality test, you even learn more about yourself. “We call that ‘The Book of You.’ And this is your personality broken down into the big five elements of agreeableness, openness, emotional stability, conscientiousness and extroversion,” said eHarmony Senior Director of Product, Arvind Mishra.

No matter what you think about how others are meeting their mates, love is in the air and online.

“I think it’s an experience and you want that experience to be warm and encouraging, real and authentic. And lastly, you want it to be premium, right? And I think this encapsulates that,” Gonzaga said.

Whoever said love doesn’t come cheap was right. Memberships at a big dating site can run you up to $60 a month.

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